2012년 2월 29일 at 12:24 오전 |
I've thought about it repetitively. Someone who you used to trust so much, someone who you used to like so much, someone who used to be so important to you. I have a private blog. Few years back I posted something about you. Talking about how much I cherish you, talking about how much you mean to me. Reading it now makes me feel bitter. We can't deny that things have changed... I don't care if this sounds dumb because it's true. Trust is like a mirror, like a piece of paper. Once broken, once crushed, it'll never be the same again. Someone who used to mean so much to me now has 0 trust from me. How should I put this, it's not like I want to feel this way, it's just something that I cannot stop myself from feeling. I spend a lot of time wondering which side of people is their true self. Was it the one from the past, or the one now. The answer turned out to be both. People change, but I have no idea why.
Next chapter,
2012년 2월 28일 at 7:23 오후 |
Hi all! It's over!!!! All over. My 3 years in polytechnic is finally complete!!!!! I am extremely positive that I failed MA so it's not exactly officially over, yet. Nevertheless, there's still a reason to celebrate!!!! The last paper went ok, I wrote a lot of nonsense but at least there were nonsense to write.
I'm not sure how I'm gonna plan my next few weeks.... months.... years? Probably gonna look for a job, a simple part-time one first just to fill up my bank? And party everyday????? Hahaha. Earn money, spend money, earn money, spend money. Ah heck, enjoy first, worry later. Sounds like a good plan, no?
Before holidays
2012년 2월 27일 at 5:54 오후 |
Feeling really sick right now so I thought that I should have a little rest before I continue with AFA. But since I have absolutely nothing to do online, I'm here! Outburst of unhappiness last night made me feel a little lame today. Nevertheless... I still hope that there'll be a day where I can type whatever I want here... Again.
Anyway, a little update on what's happening recently. AFA studies is progressing really slowly... I cannot complete a question perfectly without any dumb mistakes! Sigh, I'm starting to feel stupid, it's like my brain can't process anything. I think I failed MA, actually, I can say I failed MA. It's impossible for me to pass. I think even if she give me a participation marks of 10, I will still fail. It sucks to fail at the very last stage, I honestly didn't expect myself to do so badly for MA... Sigh... Really hate it when I disappoint myself and my parents.
LAST PAPER TOMORROW. Well, last paper of the sem since I know I still have to re-take MA. WHATEVER LAH. MA still need wait for the second sem. Shall just party first lolololol. Less than a day more to my holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cant wait!!!! The next time I blog........................ HAH, it'll be my holidays already.
WOW!!!! FANTASTIC BABY. DANCE I WANNA DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM SHAKA LAKA DDDDDANCE.
She's right, I can't pretend that nothing happened because it will still come back to me. Honestly, I hate these changes. Why is it so hard to just open up ourselves in front of each other? And you know what, people cannot stop giving me advices without putting themselves in my shoes. What? Just because someone isn't who they used to be, you should "just forget it"? I don't know seriously, what were they thinking? These people obviously mean something to me?
I'm trying really hard. But reality sucks, sometimes even when you try your best, when it don't reach the standards or expectations of others, your best simply means nothing. Who cares if to you, you did your best? To others it's just "you didn't try your best" "you didn't do enough" "you didn't try harder". I'm tired... I'm tired of not reaching the expectations of what others have for me.
People can't stop pushing all the blames to me for the shit they do. And all I do is take in all the blames. Everyday i just sound like a retard who does everything wrong and the rest are like angels who've done no wrong. People nowadays only see themselves. I get all sorts of "you always didn't reply my text" and like oh wow, check who was the last one who texted in our conversation? It was me. What??? Then I get things like "why did you do this?!" and when I say "I told you before already" and they're like "I didn't see what" like how is it my fault that you didn't see????? I thought that pleasing everyone will make things change for the better but seems like people are just unappreciative.
I'm annoyed with everyone. Do shit loads of things to make them happy and once you do that very one thing that just doesn't please them, you're a fucking bad person. Everything becomes your fault, everyone suddenly have rights to talk shit about you. And so they say, no one will remember the good things you do, they only remember the bad things. Reality.
권모린 